Tarzan Kay


September 26, 2023

to you

What you're reading is a copy of an email my subscribers received. This is an archive, so it's possible some links are missing or expired. If you want to stay in the loop, make sure to jump on my email list and get these delivered direct to your inbox!


“loser days” pt.329

Sometimes I forget how smart I am and fantasize about getting a job at Costco. (Not that smart people don’t work at Costco. This is my fallback because they’re nice and I heard they pay $25/hour.)

Like the other day, I was staring blankly into my computer screen with my Ruth-face on, wearing my grubby camping sweater, and thinking I don’t know shit about fuck and who the hell am I to be earning 321% more than the average Canadian in my age bracket

I was convinced I didn’t know anything. 

It totally slipped my mind that I’d just got my period and maybe my brain was lying to me. (Non-menstruating people have no idea, SRSLY. Literally, everything was wrong with the world.) 

It also slipped my mind that just four days earlier I was 11-lakes-deep into the backcountry of Algonquin Park, hauling my canoe across 21 portages with 37 pounds of gear on my back and nothing more than a soggy ham sandwich and a protein bar in my belly.

I’m Tarzan: I can do anything. 

But in that moment, I forgot.

So five minutes before hosting a group call to lead a 7-minute conversation and prompt sequence about using dialogue in emails, I was secretly Googling “how to write dialogue.” 

Wow, I didn’t know any of this, I thought to myself as I read a poorly written article in a way-too-small font on a website with awful design but apparently excellent Google ranking. 

I am not qualified to do anything, I thought. I am going to die alone.


That’s when I realized it was just another “loser day.” 

I’ve written about loser days more than once before so I KNOW my subscribers have them too. The last time I asked, you guys sent me all kinds of good advice, so I thought today I’d share some of that good advice.

The best “solution” I read:

“Loser days basically are like putting yourself in solitary confinement in your own mind. […] So getting out of your workspace and out of the house and getting into contact with people helps.” ~ NT

The most duplicatable/delightful solution:

“When a loser day strikes, I ride that bitch out. I used to try to journal but just ended up throwing my paper and pens across the room. Now, I drive to Timmys and grab a 3-cream, 2-sweetener coffee. Then in an empty parking lot, Bon Jovi ballads blaring, I sing my heart out between sobs. It's a wild release but it (mostly) works. Embrace the chaos, flip it off, and rise above it all.” ~ DM

And this one…

“Hugs really help too because…oxytocin is a panacea.” ~ KN

Something I also do:

“I get up and go over what I know to be true.” 

Something I wish I could do:

“Spend tons of time in our hot tub… Rewatch one of my comfort shows (Modern Family or Parks and Rec)… eat something with chocolate in it…” 

Something a lot of people said:

“Have you tried running?” (Yes, I hate running. But get me in a boat and I know no pain. So maybe the answer is just “move your body.”)

That’s the advice you gave. Thanks, BTW. 

Now back to my story…

My call turned out fine. Once I got talking, I remembered a LOT of things that I know about dialogue. 

For instance, this email uses something called “inner dialogue”—something I use ALL THE TIME. Just think of Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games. Half that book happens in her head!

Before I knew it I was rewriting my student’s dialogue snippets as easily as brushing my teeth. That’s how natural it is for me. 

I guess calling myself a loser isn’t the *best* segue into telling you to work with me but for those of you who are interested in writing better emails, selling more with email, and feeling not-at-all-bad about the words you hit “send” on—I’m actually REALLY SMART at this stuff, and rewriting your emails, planning your segments, showing you how to add snappy dialogue to make your emails more engaging, well…that’s one of my favourite things to do. 

I absolutely know shit about fuck, promise. 

Click here to learn more about Email Stars, which is enrolling until Friday. 


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