Tarzan Kay

<tarzan@tarzankay.com>

October 7, 2025

to you

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Subject:

your most important job?

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“Actual Work” vs. Everything Else—Is There Really A Distinction?

Another newsletter, another deadline sneaking up on me.

I’m sitting here wondering when there will be time to sit at my desk and do what I privately think of as “actual work”—as opposed to what I’m doing right now, which my sneaky brain decided is either too much fun or too far from my desk to be considered real work. 

Apparently none of these things count:

Crossed the U.S.-Canada border 4 times (intense!)
Attended (or led) 6 live events in 6 weeks
Led my second ever song circle!
Wrote a sharp and hilarious 7-email promo
Participated in my first grief ceremony 
Formally opened TWO unique high-touch programs
Sang an original song in front of 200 people
Prepped and delivered a 4-day business retreat
Booked 2 important speaking gigs (including this one in DENMARK!!)

Life is very full and I’m pleasantly exhausted. All I really want to do right now is curl up next to a crackling fire with Elizabeth Gilbert’s new book All The Way To The River. I want to go all the way to the river with that book. 

I keep reminding myself that this is just a season and not my “normal life”—an expression equally misleading as “actual work.” 

But no one’s complaining. A lot of chips are falling into place without me having to do anything. Like an event I loosely pitched in a text message three months ago and didn’t have time to follow up on, which bounced back to me this weekend in the form of a “yes”—hit reply and ask if you want to know about that event! There’s been a lot of synchronistic, magic-type activity going on lately.

It reminds me of something Chela Davison wrote in her newsletter Wisdotainment a couple of weeks ago:

“Synchronistic and wild opportunities show up in totally unplannable moments when I am deeply attuned, aligned and free of habituated pressure and control patterns. Magic is fucking real. Meditation, ritual and ceremony are business strategies.”

Preach, Chela

Making space for a grief ceremony was “actual work.” Writing a song was “actual work.” Answering the scary border guard’s questions about where I’m headed and when I’m coming back was definitely “actual work.” Hosting a 4-day retreat was ACTUAL FUCKING WORK, even if it was also very fun.

All of it counts. 

I don’t have a lot to offer you today but I do have this: Whatever you’re doing to hold yourself and your business through this moment that you don’t think is “actual work”—it counts. It’s shaping you, grounding you, moving your story forward. 

That one morning when you didn't rush. That phone call to your mother. That visit to the physiotherapist. That pitch you kind of half-assed. That family game of Sorry! after dinner when you were supposed to be working on the proposal. 

All of that counts. 

Let’s not disqualify our own every day bravery because it doesn’t fit neatly into tasks we can tick off in our project management software. That’s the work of being human, and all of it counts. 

Now excuse me, I have to go do some actual work 

~ Tarzan

Picture of Tarzan wearing a tan and brown sweater smiling. Picture is circular with a thin blue border surrounding it

Tarzan Kalryzian [she/they]
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