The first online program I’ve actually attended in years

How I’m Winning The Game of Nervous System Regulation (And You Can Too)

Good morning!

More on this in a sec  

(It’s not a kink thing or a pride thing, surprisingly.)

I’m taking things real chill in business right now, working perhaps twenty-five hours a week, if I can manage it. 

We pared everything back to essentials after my brother died, and sometimes Sandra still challenges me to simplify in our weekly meeting. “Do you really need to do that this week?” “Can we bump that workshop back a couple of weeks?”

I feel held by my team, and grateful to customers who’ve invested in some of my pre-recorded programs. (Start here if you’ve never bought anything from me before. It’s only $7. You can also activate 40% off Copy Caboose by clicking that link.)

But one thing I do every week without fail is attend a live teaching call in Kate Northrup’s program Relaxed Money, which takes a nervous-system-first approach to getting ahead financially. It also covers what I consider taboo topics – like manifesting and “getting in alignment” – ideas I completely threw in the garbage after unsubscribing from wellness culture in early pandemic days.

My nervous system loves being in leadership with Kate, doing the healing exercises, and soaking up the enormous life-force energy she brings to her work.

I barely do the homework. 

I don’t participate in the Circle community. 

I don’t read any of the emails that Kate sends about the program. 

…and yet I’m getting so much from the experience, just by showing up to calls, listening and taking notes. 

(Note: If you’re in a program right now and feel like you’re not doing enough, remember that showing up in the ways you can is more than okay. If you can redirect even ten percent of the energy you spend shaming yourself, you might be surprised by the results. But first please listen to my favourite song about transforming shame, which, side-side note, is also the song I chose to close my brother’s funeral service last week.)

The nervous system practices I’m learning are helping me show up for my life right now, and all the commitments that don’t stop just because someone died.

You are not alone if your nervous system is fried, too—even if nobody died! 

Healing your nervous system isn’t a personal project, it’s inherently political and social. When you’re regulated, you don’t just feel better, you become more resourced, discerning, and powerful, and that healing has a ripple effect on your business, your personal relationships, and creates broader social change. 

If you want to do something for the world right now, this is a really good place to start. 

Here are my favourite everyday ways to tend to the nervous system—and please hit “reply” and tell me yours:

1. Sing your heart out

Alone in your living room is just fine. Who cares whether or not you can hold a tune. Do this in a community and you’ll get additional benefit from social connection.

Singing quiets your thinking mind and lets your body know you’re safe. (You don’t sing when the house is burning.)

My top song right now is In Your Bones by Olivia Fern.

2. Putter in the garden.

I planted a poppy garden to honour my brother Quentin, and tending the weeds calms me even when I do it with a tequila in hand which probably cancels out the effect.

A visit to the garden centre also works. Mine has a cafe that makes a mean flat white. I do decaf.

3. Sleep with your mouth taped shut.

Finally found a use for the rainbow hockey tape in my junk drawer! I’m sleeping much better and even dreaming again.

Nasal breathing supports parasympathetic nervous system activation and reduces sleep-disrupting events like waking up with a giant snort as many have told me I do (cute, no?).

This was a recommendation from my nutritionist Lisa Kilgour, who has a thousand other ideas for healing on her TikTok channel. Probably don’t use hockey tape tho.

4. Ask someone to hold you.

It only takes a twenty second hug to signal safety to your body, as Kate keeps saying.

But asking for it takes real courage, especially if you don’t have a partner or kids living with you. I took a risk and asked my ex-boyfriend to come over and hold me for a couple hours, and was proud of myself for not getting up to any hanky-panky. It helped so much.

Ask a friend or family member you feel safe with. Twenty seconds is about five deep breaths, or one chorus of your favourite song.

5. Do something for someone else.

Planning my brother’s funeral brought me incredible peace. It took me outside my own pain, brought me into connection with my family and my brother’s community.

Helping others involves eye contact, physical presence, and shared emotions. We regulate in relationship, and service is a direct path to that.

I could go on. I do daily nervous system healing exercises I learned from Kate — before I start my day, when I feel myself worrying that I’m not working hard enough, after watching the news, before I climb into bed, really as often as I think about it. 

Is nervous system healing part of your routine too? 

I’m thinking of something my friend Laura Khalil posted on Linkedin awhile back:

“Entrepreneurship is a game of nervous system regulation and who can stick out and persevere, in the face of endless challenge, and emotional peaks and valleys.” 

Boy, do I feel that. 

Your strategies are welcome in my inbox. 

‘Til next week,

Tarzan

Tarzan Kalryzian [she/they]
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