Today I’m writing a new sales page for Email Stars. It’s due with my designer Gigi on Friday so I’m hauling ass.
I dredged up the first-ever sales page for Email Stars, which was written by an Email Stars alumni (p.s. I outsource copy sometimes) but it is exactly Tarzan circa 2018.
Holy Time Warp.
One of the more interesting observations was how heavily I leaned on my star power and rags-to-riches story. Then it literally said, “If I can do it, so can you,” which was patently untrue, not unless you could afford $400 sequin Chanel pants and name-drop famous private clients, or travel internationally to speak on their stages for free.
Oh, how far I’ve come!
I still love expensive clothes—that’s a $100 t-shirt I bought in Paris, if you care to know—but I care a lot less about performing success and suggesting people should be like me.
Telling people who they should be is super cult-y! And anyway our differences are far more interesting. So today I thought I’d share a little more of “the real everyday Tarzan” with my favorite type of email: LIST OF THINGS!
(My bestie K-Oh loves writing emails like this, but apparently she got the idea from me first.)
What life looks like rn:
Driving 4.5 hours to Ohio to save $400 on a night at Great Wolf Lodge
Drinking Relyte every day because it cures headaches
Candy Crush Soda every night (level 1335, baby)
Microdosing ketamine
Going to therapy
Raking leaves, a never ending job that literally lasts forever
Embracing the fact that “literally” can also mean the opposite (even Miriam-Webster acknowledges this)
Watching the entire Pitch Perfect series for the first time
Canceling my Prime membership and impulse-buying a bit less
Tequila nightcaps
Pronouncing Asana “Ah-sana” but only sometimes
Rediscovering the entire back catalog of a record label called Tzadik
Having ChatGPT write my alt text —it does a way better job!
Eating lasagna for breakfast
A habit I plan to break soon: going to bed with my phone to listen to Game of Thrones while playing Candy Crush
Three newsletters I love that aren’t about online business:
TL;DR by WealthSimple, a financial newsletter full of smart graphs and bad puns
Marcus Pork,”Welcome to my Fashion Designs I am 34. Are you infected with LGBTQ? I hope so, because I’ve designed some inclusive fashions for you.”
The Donut, where I get my daily news
Something useful I found on the internet: Words About War: A language guide for discussing war and foreign policy
A book I’m struggling to get through: The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane Ward (interesting but reads like a doctoral thesis)
There you have it. The Real Tarzan.
Even if you don’t share much personally with your own email list, it’s fun to let subscribers in a bit. Everybody likes a peekaboo at the minutiae of other people’s lives. Why not try it?
Your turn.
Send me your lists, I want to read them.
XOT
P.S.
Last call to watch my copywriting workshop, Write This Way. After Thursday it’s getting bumped into Copy Caboose’s inclusive copywriting module. After that the only way to get it will be to buy Copy Caboose, which is on sale for $300 until the end of the month.
