Tarzan Kay


March 8, 2024

to you

What you're reading is a copy of an email my subscribers received. This is an archive, so it's possible some links are missing or expired. If you want to stay in the loop, make sure to jump on my email list and get these delivered direct to your inbox!


when I said “ask me anything,” I didn’t expect this

I said you could ask me anything, but I didn’t expect this

Bad news for me.

I told my subscribers to ask me anything and not a single person asked me out on a date. Not a single person or a married person, which would’ve also been fine if it was consensual.

Alas, zero dates for Tarzan

Some people asked about marketing. What’s changed post-covid? How do I incorporate newsletter strategies to my email list? Stuff like that. I’ll get to all that eventually.

But most of the questions were some version of this:

Hi Tarzan!

What do I want to hear more about?

Your dating & love life!

And your cooking and housekeeping routines.

Whether or not you have paid help in those areas or if it's you who does it all.

Personal, I know. But that's what I'm curious about.

Mel xoxo

This email is for all the Mels out there:

I am a single polyamorous queer who spends most of her Friday nights alone, vacuuming my house and drinking tequila on ice.

Business is hard right now so I work a lot. Lots of evenings, and on the Saturdays when I don’t have my boys. I have 40% parenting time, which leaves quite a lot of time for work and play. I work out 3x a week, always on the same days.

Right now I eat HelloFresh a few nights a week because I like cooking but my capacity for inventing recipes is basically nil. I used to have a housekeeper but I don’t anymore. Maybe I’ll get one once I’m done paying alimony but, in the meantime, caring for my house is my gratitude practice.

I live in an unnecessarily large 4-bedroom house that I rented because it’s got two fireplaces and was the only non-new-build house I could find close to my kid’s dad. (The new builds around here are drab and don’t have yards.)

Stacking, chopping and carrying wood is a favorite ritual. I’m not religious or spiritual, and this is the closest thing I have to a meditation practice.

I have 3 Ruggables, including a 9ft x 12ft Iris Apfel design that is the pride of my living room. We spend most Sundays laying around reading.

I’m a safe drug user, another thing I usually do by myself once a month or so. I like MDMA and ketamine the most; They go good together. I always tell someone about it because disclosure is one way that I hold myself accountable to not using too much or too often.

Sometimes recovery can be arduous, especially with psychedelics, so I don’t do those very often. Drugs are a lot of work. I use them recreationally and therapeutically and either way, it works. I’m transitioning into doing them a bit less. During my divorce, MDMA was one of the only ways I knew how to feel okay but I don’t need it as much anymore.

Rebuilding after divorce was hard. It took two and a half years but I finally got my divorce approved by a judge last month, a big milestone I fought hard for. I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone but I also wouldn’t trade it for anything. It made me stronger and braver, and more Tarzan than I’ve ever been.

And I really like Tarzan

I hope Mel finds this a satisfying answer and I hope you continue to ask me questions like this.

Being seen in this way is a gift.

Thank you


You heard it here first

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