Tarzan Kay


November 14, 2023

to you

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Tarzan Gets Mad At The Internet

OMG, I just watched the most outrageous webinar. I can’t even wait to tell you about it. It involves alkaline water…I think? 

But first. 

Know what last week was? 

It was that magical day once per year when 387 people whose names you don’t recognize descend on your Facebook profile with a three-word message followed by this emoji

That’s right, I had a birthday. (Sexy 39, the last year of my flirty thirties, which, for the record, really were record-level flirtatious.)

One generous human sent me this DM:

I’ll be honest, the “How are you?” threw me. 

My first thought was “Oh shit, am I supposed to know this person? AM I THE ASSHOLE WHO DOESN'T REMEMBER NAMES BC SHE THINKS SHE’S MORE IMPORTANT THAN EVERYONE ELSE?”

But I was pretty certain I don’t know anyone in Thailand. And on the third readthrough (truly, I’m not that quick!) I recognized the telltale buzzwords of a life coach.

Digital nomad. Traveling. Vibes. And when I clicked through to her profile, I saw sustainable leveraged income. ‍♀️ 

I couldn’t resist.

clicked through and speed-watched a 41-minute webinar by a business coach who openly admitted to not being able to make her coaching business work (okay, not a great start) and explained why more and more coaches are adding high-ticket affiliate marketing as their “Pathway to Legacy Wealth” with a product called Enagic. 

That’s the cool new name for Kangen Water, which btw now comes with Japanese-grown turmeric capsules that the rep said is “such a beautiful product to really bring this together as, like, a full house solution.” (Um, WHUT?)

Even bigger news! 

When you sell enough K8 Quads to reach Level 6A2-3, you get paid $5K a month for, wait for it…ETERNITY!!! A willable asset you can pass on to your kids. People in the know just call that “dash three” and, like the rep said, “It’s such a beautiful pathway. The really beautiful thing is, every sale is like a brick. And every brick is contributing to your house of legacy.”

Yes, it’s true. You and I can both build a house of legacy. 


I woke up on the wrong side of the bed that day but after I watched this webinar I was giggling and saying to myself, “Keep going, Tarzan! The world needs that special gift that you have: spotting grifters on the internet.”

And even more important: teaching people how to not accidentally become grifters on the internet, which isn’t as easy as one would think.

The Kangen Rep closed with the ultimate gaslight, asking her audience, “What’s keeping you loyal to a life that’s keeping you so stuck?” In case you didn’t catch it, that’s code for “If you don’t buy what I’m selling, you’re to blame for all the hard things in your life.”

I don’t buy that. 

I sometimes wonder if, instead of joining an MLM, the more courageous move is to sit with that uncomfortable “something’s not quite right” feeling and ask ourselves, “Why do I feel this way?” and also “What would feel like freedom to me?” 

I bet it has zero to do with PH-balanced water, something most people get straight from the tap anyway. 

Being a business owner is great, I don’t deny that. In fact, I recommend it, even if the freedom is counterbalanced with a laundry list of new responsibilities that is sometimes much longer than I’d like. I still think it’s worth it.


It is a predatory model for siphoning money from vulnerable people who are craving more out of life, and have enough disposable income (or access to credit) to buy overpriced makeup, cell power hydrogen water bottles, essential oils that promise to heal anything and everything, miracle supplements or whatever. 

Maybe some people will be mad at me for saying this. That’s okay by me. If that’s you, I hope you stick around even if it’s just to disagree with me. Better yet, hit “reply” and tell me why I’m wrong. 

I won’t deny that there are some decent products available through direct sales. I own a few.

But before you get mad at me, read this report by the FTC, which shows that “Failure and loss rates for MLMs are not comparable with legitimate small businesses, which have been found to be profitable for 39% over the lifetime of the business; whereas less than 1% of MLM participants profit.” Most people lose money, which the data shows very clearly. 

Or you can watch this segment of The John Oliver Show all about MLMs, which is as relevant today as it was when he made it seven years ago, maybe more. 

Until someone convinces me otherwise, this is a hard line for my programs: no MLMs. If you’ve read to the bottom of any of my sales pages recently, you already know that because I’ve started including it in some of my FAQs. 

I’m the boss so I get to make the rules around here Just like you get to make the rules in yours. Since neither of us is “dash three” yet (that I know of!), we both need to keep showing up every day, and being really clear on who we’re for, and who we’re not for. 

So there it is. Now you know. I hope we can still be inbox friends.

To building our houses of legacy!

Tarzan “One Brick At A Time” Kay


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