Tarzan Kay


March 21, 2023

to you

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a task I’ve been dreading

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Fix website” has been languishing on my to-do list for approximately two years now. 

I hardly recognize the woman in the hero header.

Tarzan crouches in hot pink stilettos with a lightening bolt on the ankle, smiling in bright red lipstick and thick makeup with a confident hand on her hip. She wears bright and shiny purple sequined pants, and her hair looks hairdresser-coiffed.

Those rad lightning-bolt shoes? 

Nice, but ouch!

And the purple sequined pants? 

Scooped off the discount rack at Gucci for $400, in case anyone wants to know. Haven’t worn them in “real life” since pre-COVID.

I love that version of Tarzan. It’s a homage to my five-year-old self, for whom unwearable party clothes had a gravitational pull.

…but those images are from about three metamorphoses ago, as is the branding. And after two years and buckets of palm-sweat every time I look at my website, I’m finally doing something about it. 

It’s time for the outside world to meet Tarzan 3.0.

Over the next couple of weeks I’m going to introduce you to some of the people who are helping me introduce this new Tarzan to the world in living color, sans Gucci pants. 

Y’know…this Tarzan. 

Side profile of Tarzan looking away from the camera and running a hand through her hair, which is shaved at the sides and back. Her gaze is curious and much more humble than the previous image. She wears a simple white t-shirt with shoulder pads and a pair of brass earring shaped like moth wings.

The approachable, feet-on-the-ground Tarzan who still loves money but loves her customers more. (You’ll meet the artist behind this photograph really soon, promise.)

I’m going to start next week with the person who is single-handedly changing the way that I write. 

There aren’t too many people in my life who are smart enough and brave enough to look at my writing and say, “This part’s fine but this part over here sucks, so here’s what you’re going to do.” (I’m translating, obvs. She’s much nicer than that.)

I am most likely going to be famous because of her. 

Not fourteen thousand email subscribers-famous—though that’s pretty great, I admit. 

But we’re talking Liz Gilbert-famous. I’m most likely going to marry a tennis player once this book is finally published, and in my wedding speech I’ll say, “It’s all thanks to you, Suzy!”

You’ll meet Suzy next week. 

You’ll also meet the people I’m working with on my website. If they say it’s okay, I’ll even tell you what I paid them. I burned through all my spare chests of gold bullion getting divorced, so I have to be pretty careful with what I spend and who I spend it on. 

I don’t just throw money at people and see if it magically multiplies. I get multiple quotes, ask for samples of past work, get Sandra’s opinion and then sleep on every decision for at least a week. 

Gone are the days when I throw around affiliate links willy-nilly. No one that you’ll meet is paying me a commission or offering me special discounts for talking them up online. 

These are really smart humans doing brilliant work, and I’m excited I get to be the one to introduce you to them. 

Look out for the first intro next week. 


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