a love note from Tarzan

A Love Note From Tarzan

I was going to ask my team to publish another rerun this week but instead I thought I’d pop in quickly to give you my heartfelt thanks for the kindness you showed me after I shared about the loss of my brother Quentin.  

Some of you said, “I called my brother after reading your email.” Others spoke of loved ones who also walk in the darker realms, and how my email helped to hold them with grace. 

You sent me poems and songs.

You shared your own stories of the ones you loved and lost.  

You sent flowers. 

You prayed to the Great Love that binds us all to keep the channel between my brother and I open. (That’s an almost-direct quote from this wonderful earth poet Kendra.) 

“How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard,” said one subscriber, quoting A.A. Milne. How beautiful, and how true. 

I want to thank you for being here through the grittiest parts of the journey. Many of my subscribers have been with me through starting out as a copywriter-for-hire, buying my first car and my first house, birthing babies, getting married and then divorced, losing the house, dismantling my empire, starting a throuple and doing too many drugs, and now through death touching my life for the first time. You’ve been gracious and supportive through it all. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you ♥️

Thank you for seeing my brother’s incandescent spirit, his humour and his complexity, and – most meaningful of all – for seeing the depth of my love for him. The grief is too much to carry alone, and in reading your replies it felt like hundreds of subscribers raising their hands to walk beside me in the exquisite darkness of death’s lonely corridors. 

Again, thank you. 

One thing I’ve learned about grief is that it’s proportionate to the amount we love. A wide-open heart is a vulnerable way to live, but it is the only way I’m interested in living. 

I’m not sure what’s next for me. I’m supposed to be promoting my mastermind Power right now, but I have to be honest about my capacity for leadership. Even a Master Wayfinder like me needs to take a step back now and then, and let someone else chart the path.

Time will tell what that looks like. Grief is its own kind of drug, and it is working on its own timeline. I never know what my capacity will be from day to day. 

I’m lucky to have an incredible and generous team who are capable of making decisions without me, even stepping in to facilitate on the days when grief, that merciless dominatrix, needs me to submit fully to her will. 

Thank you for your patience. 

Thank you for your replies. 

Thank you to everyone who said, “This needs to be a book.”

As one subscriber who said it best:

Akal Akal Akal 

~ Tarzan

Tarzan Kalryzian [she/they]
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